A CURIO BARNABY SMUGGLED OUT BEFORE THE KINGDOM COULD COPYRIGHT IT

Ruler of Sinope - Wooden Framed Poster

$35.00

A rare bit of academic satire — a hooded scholar clutching "TENURED" behind a wall of microphones, muttering "I am an academic." The Kingdom tried to have it pulled from every shelf in the realm. I kept a stack in the back. Hand-numbered, plexiglass-shielded, printed on heavyweight matte and framed in real pine. Not for the faint of heart, and definitely not for their lawyers.

SIZE

21x29.7 cm / 8x12" 27x35 cm / 11x14″

FRAME

White frame Wood frame Dark wood frame Black frame

ASSEMBLY

Ready-to-hang Not assembled

CLAIM THIS WARE

Hand-numbered. Ships in 3–5 days. No refunds to the Kingdom.

FROM THE LEDGER OF BARNABY BRIC-A-BRAC

THE KINGDOM TRIED TO

BURN THE PLATES

This print is a joke told at the Kingdom's expense — a hooded scholar drowning in microphones, clutching the word "TENURED" like a lifeline. It mocks the whole tenure-track machine they prop up, the one that rewards saying nothing loudly for thirty years. They did not find it funny.

Their presses tried to reproduce it and choked — the linework came out muddy, the satire came out toothless. So they did what the Kingdom always does when it can't copy a thing: they offered the printer a purse fat enough to bury it forever. He took the purse. I took the plates, out the back door, the same night.

Now I pull each one myself and sell it straight to you — no middleman, no royalties skimmed, priced under whatever the Kingdom would have charged to keep it locked away. Every copy that leaves this shop is a plate they never got to burn.

— B.

READ IT OR DON'T — YOUR RISK

THE FINE PRINT (BARNABY STILL HATES PAPERWORK)

The frame is solid pine — 20–25mm thick, 10–14mm wide — cut and joined to hang crooked-free on your wall, not to rot in a Kingdom warehouse. Shatterproof plexiglass guards the print instead of easily-broken glass.

Printed on heavyweight 200 gsm white matte stock (0.22mm), smooth and non-reflective, on FSC-certified paper. Matte finish so the satire reads clean under any light — no glare, no glossy Kingdom sheen.

Pick your poison under the Assembly option. Choose Ready-to-hang and it arrives whole, hanging kit included — pull it from the box, put nail to wall, walk away. No tools, no instructions written by a committee.

Choose Not assembled and it ships flat — a few tool-free clicks and it's together in the time it takes to curse the Kingdom under your breath. Even a hobgoblin managed it, so you'll be fine.

Set your size under the Size option — 21×29.7 cm (8×12") for the tight corners, or 27×35 cm (11×14") when you want the Kingdom to notice from across the room.

Every measurement is taken by hand, not spat out by some royal spreadsheet, so allow a whisker of variance. Measure your wall twice; I only cut the plate once.

Printed and pulled on demand, then out the back door in 3–5 days. Each one is hand-numbered before it leaves — proof it came from my shelf and not the Kingdom's copy machine.

Packed tight enough to survive a Kingdom customs raid, a rough carriage, and whatever a bored courier throws at it. It arrives flat, sharp, and unbent — or I hear about it.

No return portal, no ticket number, no thirty-page policy drafted by the Kingdom's lawyers. Something's wrong with your print? You write to Barnaby, and Barnaby answers — personally.

I made it, I numbered it, I'll make it right. That's the whole hoop. There are no others.